[ficlet] Gods of Ice [Soubi, PG-13]
May. 18th, 2006 03:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
enchanterGods of Ice [May 18th, 2006]
PG-13 // complete // Soubi (Ritsu-sensei, Seimei) // introspective/character study // 600 words
Notes: Inspired by the poem quoted inside, written by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rebekkamaria. Warning for weirdness of theme. Comments are very much appreciated.
Gods of Ice
by Rhea Logan
Gods expected obedience – absolute, blind, and Soubi wrung and bent himself in humble answer to all of their demands.
Thunder-voices rumbled, you have a fragile heart. Made of feeble fibers too easy to tear. So they tore all the stronger and pulled at his trembling strings, teaching him the art of holding back the tears, how to bear the pain and not make a sound. They twisted and broke him, until thick scar tissue grew and sealed again what had come apart.
Sensei wore the mask of a supreme, cold-hearted deity. He named himself Perfection, crafting others in his image – sans free will – so that, when they were ready, they would follow him. He stood, tall and proud, behind the charades of training and aid, teaching painful lessons on values and skills. Yet, under the silver surface, the ugly, rotting core of a fallen angel betrayed his self-indulgence, his insatiable greed.
Prayers, Soubi learned early, yielded nothing but another crack of Sensei's vicious whip. Silence was his alone, thoughts and words he'd left unspoken out of grudging respect and lash-instilled fear. Flesh, he was told then, was only a tool. It did not belong to him. It was made to serve, to obey, to protect and please.
Later, Soubi picked up the pieces, splintered crumbs of a soul and fading frailty. He locked them away from the altars, outside the shrines of the fake god who laid claim to his virginity, and threw away the key.
He tossed the bitter memories as he walked away, watched them fall and scatter across the barren ground of regret-filled days. Out, into the world of his new reality, he followed his master, the true god, on eager feet.
He learned to question the laws and orders of all except his Sacrifice. No rules apart from his were set in stone, Seimei had told him once, and they existed for Beloved to break them at their flawed joints. Seimei was the one meant to be sacrificed, but Soubi lived to endure any blow his only god would grant. These new scars, he hoped, would aid the strings and chains in binding him to where he wanted, needed to belong.
But his heart weakened slightly and he trembled inside at the distant stare of Seimei's violet eyes. And he prayed, although never aloud, that his god would never see it fit to leave his follower behind. Born for each other under the same stars, they were one; Beloved Fighter of his Beloved Sacrifice.
Then the chains released him, strings that bound them shattered and he fell with no memory of a happier time. Worlds dissolved and died; stars collided, imploded, swept him off his feet. Gods he did not believe in cried out their loathing, their accusing voices condemning him for following his last order: live. The voice of his one god faded in his ears when Seimei vanished in his burning shrine and, this one awful time, Soubi regretted having let the gods teach him how not to cry. He existed – not lived – on the outskirts of reality, between unanswered questions and silent, failed attempts at understanding why.
In the end, he learned that all gods turned angry faces veiled in burning ice, slapping his greedy hands starved for acceptance of his less perfect side. Each of them built his lighthouse on the opposite shore, tempting and taunting and calling with their pretty words. They left him adrift, seeking nothing but validation of a single truth:
If gods were immortal like he had been taught, Seimei – no matter what others told him – could not have simply died.
PG-13 // complete // Soubi (Ritsu-sensei, Seimei) // introspective/character study // 600 words
Notes: Inspired by the poem quoted inside, written by
rebekkamaria. Warning for weirdness of theme. Comments are very much appreciated. Gods of Ice
by Rhea Logan
Who could tell me which light to follow
Who could tell me in which god to believe
--Johanna
Gods expected obedience – absolute, blind, and Soubi wrung and bent himself in humble answer to all of their demands.
Thunder-voices rumbled, you have a fragile heart. Made of feeble fibers too easy to tear. So they tore all the stronger and pulled at his trembling strings, teaching him the art of holding back the tears, how to bear the pain and not make a sound. They twisted and broke him, until thick scar tissue grew and sealed again what had come apart.
Sensei wore the mask of a supreme, cold-hearted deity. He named himself Perfection, crafting others in his image – sans free will – so that, when they were ready, they would follow him. He stood, tall and proud, behind the charades of training and aid, teaching painful lessons on values and skills. Yet, under the silver surface, the ugly, rotting core of a fallen angel betrayed his self-indulgence, his insatiable greed.
Prayers, Soubi learned early, yielded nothing but another crack of Sensei's vicious whip. Silence was his alone, thoughts and words he'd left unspoken out of grudging respect and lash-instilled fear. Flesh, he was told then, was only a tool. It did not belong to him. It was made to serve, to obey, to protect and please.
Later, Soubi picked up the pieces, splintered crumbs of a soul and fading frailty. He locked them away from the altars, outside the shrines of the fake god who laid claim to his virginity, and threw away the key.
He tossed the bitter memories as he walked away, watched them fall and scatter across the barren ground of regret-filled days. Out, into the world of his new reality, he followed his master, the true god, on eager feet.
He learned to question the laws and orders of all except his Sacrifice. No rules apart from his were set in stone, Seimei had told him once, and they existed for Beloved to break them at their flawed joints. Seimei was the one meant to be sacrificed, but Soubi lived to endure any blow his only god would grant. These new scars, he hoped, would aid the strings and chains in binding him to where he wanted, needed to belong.
But his heart weakened slightly and he trembled inside at the distant stare of Seimei's violet eyes. And he prayed, although never aloud, that his god would never see it fit to leave his follower behind. Born for each other under the same stars, they were one; Beloved Fighter of his Beloved Sacrifice.
Then the chains released him, strings that bound them shattered and he fell with no memory of a happier time. Worlds dissolved and died; stars collided, imploded, swept him off his feet. Gods he did not believe in cried out their loathing, their accusing voices condemning him for following his last order: live. The voice of his one god faded in his ears when Seimei vanished in his burning shrine and, this one awful time, Soubi regretted having let the gods teach him how not to cry. He existed – not lived – on the outskirts of reality, between unanswered questions and silent, failed attempts at understanding why.
In the end, he learned that all gods turned angry faces veiled in burning ice, slapping his greedy hands starved for acceptance of his less perfect side. Each of them built his lighthouse on the opposite shore, tempting and taunting and calling with their pretty words. They left him adrift, seeking nothing but validation of a single truth:
If gods were immortal like he had been taught, Seimei – no matter what others told him – could not have simply died.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-05-18 02:21 am (UTC)This is yet another one of those fics that doesn't hit you upside the head right away. You need to read it slowly, carefully; pay attention to the smallest details lest you miss anything. And then the ending line hits and you feel like Soubi is crying out to his god, asking why he left him alone.
Truly amazing, Love. You keep on getting better with each and every piece you write.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-18 09:30 pm (UTC)Haha, anyway. Yeah, the religious metaphor is sort of a shaky ground, but I love it for many reasons - the main one being that it fits, especially in regards to Seimei. The original metaphor of the god is courtesy of Soubi himself; he did say that and I've always sort of wanted to follow that thread.
Thanks. ♥
no subject
Date: 2006-05-18 02:22 am (UTC)Wonderful, hands down.
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Date: 2006-05-19 11:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-18 02:23 am (UTC)But his heart weakened slightly and he trembled inside at the distant stare of Seimei's violet eyes.
This is when I just started to lose my composure. I knew Seimei would come and it was hard to read the half before this without skipping ahead. But when he finally did make his appearance in the fic...
The voice of his one god faded in his ears when Seimei vanished in his burning shrine
And this finally broke me and made me cry. It was the most beautiful visual of this fic I had. Burning shrine is SO Seimei.
*squees* Two Beloved-ish fics in two days! You spoil us so. :p
no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 11:12 am (UTC)...okay, I did. With this fic, I totally did. :P
You know, it's funny. I had the image of an actual burning shrine while writing but I didn't write it in until the last moment. And I guess this was when I knew the fic was decent. :P ::g::
Thanks! ♥! And haha, yeah. But I promised Beloved fics, way back when, so I guess it's only fair. :D
no subject
Date: 2006-05-18 02:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 11:13 am (UTC)the painful acceptance he bore first to one by force and then the other by love.
How heartbreakingly accurate. x_x; I'm glad you liked the story. Thanks for reading. =)
no subject
Date: 2006-05-18 12:00 pm (UTC)You continue to amaze me with your original use of even often-used symbol and metaphor.
*bows* Thank you.
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Date: 2006-05-19 11:15 am (UTC)Haha, anyway. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you!
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Date: 2006-05-19 12:26 am (UTC)I really enjoyed the imagery of Seimei and Ritsu-sensei being gods to Soubi, and I think it really fits his perspective wonderfully.
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Date: 2006-05-19 11:17 am (UTC)I'm glad the story worked for you, and that you liked it. Thank you for reading! ♥
no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 02:25 am (UTC)You make me love Soubi all over again (pretend I ever stopped. ♥). You have your wonderful little fingers inside his head so firmly and this story shows it once again. You know this character, you identify with him, and it all culminates in this amazing portrayal.
That, of course, is to be expected from you. *hearts;
What surprised me, though, were your descriptions of Ritsu-sensei. This line:
Sensei wore the mask of a supreme, cold-hearted deity. He named himself Perfection, crafting others in his image – sans free will – so that, when they were ready, they would follow him.
...is beautiful and sinister and absolutely gave me goosebumps. "He named himself Perfection." *shiver* He is the example to be followed, and your description makes me interested in his backstory. I wonder how much he would have been like Soubi is now. How would Soubi be as a sensei at Goura?
Your stories are always such a pleasure to read, but they always leave me with more questions that I had coming in and, for me, that is the very purpose of fandom. You are ♥.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 11:27 am (UTC)::g:: You know, I actually made peace with my Soubi over Ripple Effect (and Shan joked that he got cooperative once he got laid... :P) because before that, while writing him, I had this feeling of tiptoeing on the surface but not getting into what's underneath. Even if I like to think I knew what was there, anyway. Characterization is tricky and, as always with fictional characters, people tend to see them in their own ways apart from the 'standard' surface level so it's hard to get it right for everyone. But I can try. :P Haha.
The image of Ritsu as a fallen angel sort of hit me while writing this, though there's a thicker thing in there as well (the part about creation, hope I'm not going to any kind of hell for this :P) - and well, I could get into more detail, but that would be spam. :P ::g:: I can elaborate in a separate entry if you want me to, though. XD
I've been itching to figure out some fitting backstory for Ritsu for a few months now. He really, really intrigues me. And as I pointed out in my response to Shan's comment up there, there are many similarities between Soubi and Ritsu even 'now', and I don't think it's entirely coincidental.
I'm not sure I can imagine Soubi as a sensei at Goura. I suppose he couldn't imagine himself as one, either, since he didn't become one...
You are ♥, too. Thanks for reading and the wonderful comment. :D
no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 04:03 pm (UTC)You spoke on a topic that is very dear to me -- of gods and fallen angels and broken prayers and lost beliefs.
Thank you.
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Date: 2006-05-20 07:34 pm (UTC)Hee, thank you for reading, and for the comment. Much love. ♥
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Date: 2006-05-20 09:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-20 07:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-19 07:28 pm (UTC)But his heart weakened slightly and he trembled inside at the distant stare of Seimei's violet eyes.
My little heart crumbled. There's so much emotion behind that line. Ooh, I love it; the way you use certain words. Nothing else can compare, you write so beautifully. ♥
no subject
Date: 2006-05-20 07:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-20 07:18 pm (UTC)What you have written very much parallels how I perceive Soubi's inner turmoil... he indeed "wrung and bent himself in humble answer to all of their demands" only to have them "turn angry faces veiled in burning ice," and they have in fact "left him adrift". Very much so.
I love reading ffic that makes me feel like I just caught a glimpse of the author's innermost soul. That's how I feel when I'm writing... like I'm opening my veins, or ripping open my heart for all to see, and sometimes it feels... naked. So. Thank you for being willing to bleed for me, and for Soubi. Your efforts do not go unappreciated.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-20 07:40 pm (UTC)Something you said hit home...
That's how I feel when I'm writing... like I'm opening my veins, or ripping open my heart for all to see, and sometimes it feels... naked.
This is probably more information than an average reader wants or needs to hear, but without that feeling you mentioned, I can't write at all. With few exceptions, if we talk humorous (which I don't write often) or generally light, silly stories, this is the way I write... from experience, from the heart. One way or another - it's a popular school of thought that a writer should write what they know, and I subscribe to it wholeheartedly.
And the fact that you see it for what it is makes your words even more touching, to me. Thank you. ♥
no subject
Date: 2006-05-22 08:51 pm (UTC)Zmusiło mnie do refleksji, to muszę przyznać. Zainspirowałaś mnie - a dokładnie ten właśnie fik - do napisania czegoś własnego i mam nadzieję, że nie masz nic przeciwko temu, że Ci to zadedykowałam. Jako osobie, dzięki której powstało. :)
Jest tutaj (http://abelarda.livejournal.com/9723.html#cutid1).
no subject
Date: 2006-05-22 09:54 pm (UTC)Opowiadanie przeczytałam; wybacz brak komentarza pod właściwym postem, ale pokusa wdania się w dyskusję na temat w którym języku lepiej pisać jest odrobinę zbyt silna. >.> I prawdopodobnie niespecjalnie mile widziana, hehe, biorąc pod uwagę mój osobisty punkt widzenia na te sprawy. :D No, ale koniec z tą dygresją...
Niezłe, chociaż przyznam, że moje przyzwyczajenie do czytania (i pisania) po angielsku stanęło trochę na drodze. :P Mimo to, trochę odmiany jeszcze nikomu nie zaszkodziło, a i opowiadania, w których Ritsu jest bardziej człowiekiem niż kartonową wycinanką są niespecjalnie często spotykane. Trochę mnie to popycha w kierunku tego (jak do tej pory niewykorzystanego) pomysłu na coś opartego na jego przeszłości... choćby było to czystą zgadywanką ze względu na brak informacji. :) Kto wie, może kiedyś. :)
W każdym razie, dziekuję jeszcze raz, i może do zobaczenia (przeczytania?) jeszcze kiedyś.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 12:49 pm (UTC)Co do dyskusji - czy niespecjalnie mile widziana, nie wiem. Fakt, lubię fanfiction po polsku, ale prawdopodobnie dlatego, że miałam okazję trafić na rzeczy naprawdę dobre i wartościowe (nie z fandomów mangowych, niestety) - kiedy patrzę na zawartość niektórych polskich stron fikowych, nie dziwię się wcale, że wolisz się od tego odciąć. Poza tym zawsze mówiłam o sobie, że nie piszę po angielsku nie z pobudek ideologicznych (nawet jako polonistka ;)), ale ze względu na niemożliwość wyczucia semantyki języka. Nigdy nie mówiłam też, że mam coś przeciwko fanfiction po angielsku - mam coś przeciwko sobie piszącej po angielsku, a to zdecydowanie nie to samo. I szkoda mi po prostu, że anglojęzyczny fandom mangowy jest odpowiednio bogaty, a polskojęzyczny ma do czytania najwyżej niewyszukane PWP. Chociaż zdaję sobie doskonale sprawę, że to błędne koło: przez to, że wygląda tak, jak wygląda, uciekają z niego autorzy, którzy mogliby do niego coś wnieść...
Przepraszam, rozpisałam się trochę. Rzeczywiście na ten temat można mieć dużo do powiedzenia. Dlatego lepiej skończę. :)
A do napisania fika o Ritsu zachęcam Cię jak najbardziej, kiedy wena się zjawi i czas pozwoli. Życzę jednego i drugiego. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 06:06 pm (UTC)Hehe, a to sporo wyjaśnia - ja jestem anglistką. Ciekawe, że jednak wykształcenie nawet na fandom się przenosi czasami. :P
Mmm, do powiedzenia można mieć dużo, i ja nie mam jak najbardziej nic przeciwko temu. :) Bardziej chodziło mi o komentarz do twojego posta który odnosił się do tematu polski/angielski, kiedy powiedziałam że taka dyskusja nie była by zbytnio dobrze odebrana; nie mam zwyczaju kłócić się na nie swoim blogu. :D
Heh, Ritsu łaskocze ambicję, nie tyle trudnością samego pisania, co raczej skomplikowaną naturą. Rzadko mnie zadowala wyjaśnienie typu 'bo ponieważ', zwłaszcza jeśli chodzi o takie postacie (słabo rozwinięte w orginalnym materiale) a i pomysły które nie powtarzają tego, co już zostało wiele razy napisane nie przychodzą niestety codziennie.
Na mojej liście opowiadań jest jeszcze Transcendence (Ritsu i Soubi) i The Final Count (również) ale to narazie tyle. Może w lecie znajdzie się trochę czasu na więcej, bo z tym zazwyczaj jest troche gorzej niż z inspiracją. ;)
...and now I'm rambling, too. ^^;
no subject
Date: 2006-05-24 01:41 pm (UTC)Every word was meaningful and that's difficult for me, because I usually read stories without reading the words or sentences. I only feel the stories. ^_^ This I had to read as well. I don't mind, though, because I was able to enjoy your beautiful words, too. ^_^
There were two sentences that captured my heart:
Made of feeble fibers too easy to tear.
Out, into the world of his new reality, he followed his master, the true god, on eager feet.
The first one got me, because of the image it gave me. Hearts are so easily torn. Literally.
The second was just so child-like. on eager feet... that just took me by surprise. The story was otherwise so heavy in its descriptions, full of metaphors and poetry. That was so simple. Like child, he followed. Tainted child, perhaps, but child nevertheless.
It ached me to read it, but I read it twice. That's how much I adore your words. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2006-05-24 02:01 pm (UTC)I imagine it can be difficult to read; it was also difficult to write. I literally started from a few fragmented sentences that are now scattered throughout the story, and I had no idea if I could manage to put them all together into a coherent whole. >.<; I think I finally managed, though. I really wanted to write something like that in this fandom, if only because Soubi himself prompts the use of a theme like this when he says that Seimei was his god.
The second was just so child-like.
Aaah, there you go. You caught something I like to show in younger!Soubi - the fact that, even though he is being trained to be the perfect Fighter, he is still a child, deep down. Even if he's broken and conditioned in many ways a person shouldn't be, there's still a part of him that remains child-like. Another purpose that served was to show how much of a chance, for himself, Soubi saw in meeting his Sacrifice.
Seimei wasn't the salvation young!Soubi might have needed but, after sensei's training, it was definitely what he wanted... even if it wasn't good for him at all.
Thanks for reading. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-05-24 02:10 pm (UTC)Hmm... it really is logical that you want to show his child side too. And you said in one of your comments that your Soubi is always an artist, not just a perfect Fighter. I can't seem to find the correct words here, because that sounds so lame, but... I just think that the best writers give their characters a life beyond their stories. I think you do that. ^_^